Well, I am still among the ranks of the unemployed. Currently in my 6th week of unemployment, i am astounded at the slowness of people attempting to hire new staff. I have only heard back for sure from one place, and that was to tell me I did not get the job. Plenty of applications still pending: Meijer, WMU, GVSU, spectrum dash health dot org, kenowa hills public schools, god only knows what else. I’m sure that I’ll get a job, because even though prodist.com really sucked conch, i did get some pretty valuable experience.i have been spending alot of my time pursuing jobs from nearly every resource i can find. Still… leftover hours swamp my day. soul calibur 2 – check; final fantasy X – check; tony hawk pro skater 2x – check; Chuck pahalniuk, lullaby – check; project gotham racing 2 – check.
i turned the counter strike server back up as well… fellow cs’ers feel free to type ‘connect 18.104.22.168? in your CS console.
In the midst of my first unemployed week, I have spent a certain degree of time looking for new jobs. However, job searching can only fill so many hours of a day. On one hand, I kind of enjoy it (it being free time, not job searching). I havent had any real time off since I started that job (1.5 years), so it is nice to have some time to do things other than work.
Ive been reading alot, watching some daytime TV, rescuing hostages, and moving towards a super bowl championship.
As nice as it is to have some ‘me’ time, i cannot shake this underlying feeling of absolute weirdness. Elaborate: I have no distinct ‘goal’ with the start of each day. Sure i am looking for jobs, but there is no specific timeframe. I can look at night, in the morning, 3 a.m., it really makes no difference. Day and night end up blending together, a nights sleep ends up being a combination of naps at different times, and the pattern of a ‘normal’ day that I was so used to is the furthest thing away.
Wierd as that is… Im loving every minute.
Since my last update, two things have happened.
1. I started to make palmerforpresident.com, and failed.
2. I quit my job.
that is all.
I am currently listening to papa roach – binge.mp3.
I have found it quite difficult to keep updating this web destination. After working 10+ hours a day, making updates to my “blog” is one of the last things on my mind right next to the WNBA.
however, now i have achieved a web address. www.palmerforpresident.com. This site is in pre-production at best. But hopefully it will become quite popular and inform the world that we must vote David Palmer of Fox’s (foxisezz?) hit series “24? into office as the real President of the USA. “Come on, he’s not real!!” you say? It matters not. Dennis Haysbert will provide a more pure, honest, and wise leadership than either of the two current candidates. I honestly will be writing “David Palmer from 24? on my ballot, and I encourage all others to do the same.
I despise the working world more and more each day. I need to somehow find hundreds of thousands of dollars so that i can stop working and simply enjoy the world. Im sick of being on call. Im sick of working 60 hours a week. Im sick of it all, seriously. I will retire soon.
Apparently I forgot how to update my blog. No worries, I read readme.txt, and am once again familiar with how to update html pages.
So, lets recap a few things that have happened in 46 days:
1: I saw kramers great grandfather whipping christ in the jesus chainsaw massacre
2: 24 and the Shield are on in the same day, back to back.
3: I have almost played through an RPG entitled final fantasy X. However, it is fairly shitty at its 42nd hour, so i think i quit.
4: My parents went to florida, while a 2 family subsidized crackhouse is being erected less than 5 feet from their home. Resulting in yikcem sending cleverly satirical email to the entire hart city counsel(council?)
5: Vanbergs, vanlandw, and myself did not go to sleep till birds were chirping. (this apparently involved video gameplay)
7: I may be soon obtaining a room-mate. Making my life far different then it currently is; But i feel this to be a step in a very good direction.
8: Fuck kenichi and the world champ (vanbergs will be the only person in the whole world who gets this(maybe tom too)). Seriously though, fuck them
9: Tours of italy. and i must say i love italy
10: i got a credit card, and coincidentally the xbox dropped $30 in price. wonder what those two things put together mean.
On a more serious note… vanbergs is a snow terrorist.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VANBERGS!!! Yes, my hermano is 21 today. I plan on making him celebrate until he can’t walk.
Wow, like a month and a half since even thought about updating my blog I guess my life has pretty much completely changed gears since my last entry. A blast from the past was just what I needed, and little did I know that it hadn’t really ever left me.
Happy valentines day everyone…..
who’d of thought.1-2-4
its been nearly 30 calendar days since i have vi’d this blog. (nevermind what that means if you dont know). Anyway.. in the time since my last entry, many things have transpired.
christmas came and went, and i didnt get much time off from work unfortunately. but i did make a trek to hart and visit my wonderful family. my home home is like my modern messiah. When i get there i never want to leave to come back to my apartment home. but yeah, it was a very merry christmas with my favorite vanbergens
after christmas is when things get a bit odd… no large details because i could probably write a book (well, a shitty book (not because my experiences are shitty, but because I dont think I’m a good writer)). i got bitched out on line, my cat was nice, me and vanbergs didnt have to read in church, vanbergs got the shaft it seems, and i did some laundry. This is all before new years….
I had expected new years to be a small get together where not much really went on. Great expectations. Beginning with my friends and I flipping through channels and playing video games while we moderately consumed barley pop, everything happened. I found out for real who vanberge was, home made bombs blew up car alarms, spirituse used all of its 192 proofs, vanbergs removed the shaft that he previously got (hopefully all the way), my bed exceeded its two person max (and my couch its one person), and people who i met for the first time got to see my timely constructed pizza box fort. it could not have been more fun. www.drunkeneagle.com always seems to throw a good bash.
as far as my life goes, all bets seem to be off. everything i was sure would never happen seems to be finding ways to happen. i couldnt explain it if i tried, and i dont really wanna try. i’ve learned that im a pretty lucky guy in pretty much every way- my thanks to everyone that takes a part in making that the case.
Well, if you havent noticed my site has been down for a bit. Not like tons of people come here and read my shitty posts..
Anyway… Ive migrated this over to my new server. the former libcd1. Counter strike will be short to follow.. so hopefully we can get back into the swing of that as well. it is sunday.. and today im probably going to purchase a new cell phone as well as a digital camera.
out of the blue.12-01-3
I guess i learned to never say never…..
i think i might have found waldo, but that sneaky bastard is not wearing his usual stipes.
im going to press my luck here….
i love my family.11-29-3
turkey day at the vanbergen house hold is always quite an epic event. kathyvb begins assembling our feast the moment she awakens. Vanbergs and myself watch movies or play video games(or both) awaiting food to be shoved in front of our drooling grills. this wonderful holiday was no different.
kathy prepared a turkey that weighed 6 pounds more then the largest professional bowling ball, 22 pounds total of meat. follow that up with 2 full casserole dishes of home made macaroni, 10 pound bag of mashed potatoes, baked beans, 48 rolls, loads of stuffing, 4 pies, and finally one cake, that was our meal. needless to say vanbergs and I had a perfect day. tom fell short once again, eating 2 very questionable plates. despite the best efforts of mickeyvb, myself, and vanbergs…
there were some leftovers.
perfect day aside, i sit in the midst of this holiday weekend finding myself in one certainly awkward situation. part of me wants to drive back to hart and soak in some more vanbergs/family/video game/movie time.. but theres also part of me that wants to just hang out here in g.r. why or what for i really have no idea… I just know that when I go home home i get very lazy. not a bad thing by any means, but it sure makes mondays suck asshole. Most weekends can guarantee at least one epic trip to ihop, and me hanging out with one or more of my esteemed friends. However, everyone is gone this weekend it seems. It is a bit of an odd feeling…
alot has happened since my last blog, good things and bad, and even some things i could give a shit less about. My boss got married, a night spent deuce led to an awkward later night., plenty more but to say but more than i can write. anything i would write, others have already said better. and on that note i’ll sign this off.. anything felt has been felt before, but i havent felt everything there is to feel
A couple times in this ‘e-journal’ i have made reference to why my rants have the tone that they do… I used the example of going to a restaurant, and how you would complain to the manager if you have poor food/service. That kind of applies to my bl0g, because you dont feel the need to ‘complain’ when things are all good. Hence I feel less compelled to write in this bl0g when the sitation is so.
today i was thinking something else though…. i have not even a chance to confront the manager at this metaphorical restaurant (i dont know how I started using this example, but i’ll roll with it for awhile). And that is because im not going.
theres no point in even calling for a reservation when your table is for 0ne.
song of the moment jettared – yesterday.
So its been like a month since ive updated this ninny… so here goes
Lets see… whats changed in the last 20+ days? not very much. I still spend all my money on video games and most of my little free time playing those video games. I’m currently in the middle of playing final fantasy X, final fantasy origins, final fantasy tactics, GTA vice, midnight club 2, and i even played devil may cry. I cant even remember which game is which.
I did get a raise at my job, so i make 36.6k. I also set up a counter strike server (is there anybody more of a geek?) that is running on the same server hosting this site.
Other than that, life’s the same… i want to go on a hetero date with bunhuf this weekend to see the matrix.
sorry kiddo’s, i dont have all that much to yack about… its been a much less than eventful past couple of weeks for myself (except for mulligans) what in the fuck would I do without my friends.
warn me im yours.
I guess I wanted to write more… but I’m finding it pretty hard to put all my feelings into words. I’ve kind of adopted this little ‘blog’ as an electronic journal, but writing about my feelings sometimes has an adverse affect on me. Plus, then people tell me that my site is depressing, and I dont want that… because I dont feel that. I just want what anybody else wants.. and what I truly believe we NEED as human beings. I’m starting to think that finding it will be impossible. Where in the blue fuck is Waldo??
in the shadows of our life
we can fall into the night unscarred
in the shadows of our life
we can never let it go this far
So I was thinking about updating this blog today… I wanted to relay some of my thoughts about music. Me personally, I am unable to like much music that is out today. The vast majority of it has become a pop-culture bullshit 13 year old’s paradise.
Personally, it really makes me want to purge onto my own clothes. I think that most people are unable to appreciate music for what it truly is. It’s not ‘50 cent’ rappin about being ‘into havin sex’. What bullshit that is, in all seriousness. Music should connect with you on a deeper level, bring out what it is you feel, and enhance those feelings (good and bad).
I dont like much music because most music now lacks this ’substance’, and really any substance for that matter. It’s just really ghey that the music industry has become what it is. People dont even write their own songs for gods sake… Radio is terrible, mtv is terrible, about the best thing in the music world is vh1 and thats like saying AJ is the gay backstreet boy. Oh well… maybe somebody with some aim will shoot 50 cent again. out.
Well, i havent updated this piece of dogshit blog in awhile, so i thought it was due. Now that im doing it, i cant really think of what to write about. I did have an idea, but I lost it.
Oh wait… I was thinking about how there is no perfect thing in this world. No physical or imagined thing, no feeling or emotion. I’d be tempted to say that there may be a few perfect people, but then how do you begin to describe what the definition of perfect is? perfect for one person would be the polar opposite of the next.
But, as far as physical things or emotions/feelings go, they are all fucked up. For example, a playstation 2 is a near perfect item by itself. However, when in my presence it becomes a reminder that I am only playing it because i dont have anything much better to be doing with my time. so for me, it serves as a bit of a harsh reminder, even though it is fun to play.
And as far as feelings go… wow are they scr3wd. There are the outright shitty ones like sadness or anger. But take ‘love’ and examine it a bit closer. Love could be perfect, but it spawns all these other rogue electrons around its optimistic nucleous. Love can bring out some of the worst feelings. I.e., if a relationship with a loved one is severed through whatever means, then one has some potent negative feelings as a repurcussion. Even in a ‘loving’ relationship, love can bring out the worst in people.
I guess my point is that I wish there was something perfect. Even stranger is that I feel like there really is something perfect out there…. but that i cannot grasp it.
no! this is not a depressing entry, but is optimistic. i am searching for the perfect. looking for what I will be able to warmly embrace, the thing that will turn me truly content. It’s like looking for Waldo in those fucking books… but you do always find him in the end.
This past evening was just unexplainable. there are no words to describe the completely random coincidence. First, i find out that bunhuf was not only born in the same town as me, but he lived in the same trailer park as me! I only lived there till i was 2, so I dont remember it all that well. But thats some crazy shit right there.
There was more wierd shit too, but i kinda just got sick of typing, so maybe some other time.
YOUR SOGGY PAYNER!!
So i found this penny today that I had completely forgotten about. Intentionally being vague, I got it in chicago for 50 cents. Anyway, it was a pleasant surprise… and it now stands as the lone physical reminder of what was.
it made me a tad sad.
anyway… i guess its a life lesson learned. dont ever take anything for granted that you truly appreciate.
“manager…. this isnt what i ordered”
yeah i guess.9-16-3
Let us recap: vanberge gets pager at work, vanberge gets paged into work (3 TIMES TOTAL!!). ung. Not like stuff goes wrong alot at work, but it really fucking pisses me off that tons of shit happned right when i got the god damned pager. anyway…. hasnt gone off in awhile so im happy. im guessing that grand valley won. go team.
also i apparently went out and spent 800 bucks on a sony television. it was pretty clear to me the moment i sat down to watch it that i am trying to fill a void by surrounding myself with materialistic items. I bought a ps 2, a gameboy advance, like 13 games total between those two systems, god knows how many movies, and now this tv. which i proceeded to drop when i got into my apartment with my father. thank christ it didnt break or i would have honestly debated causing damage to my own being.
anyway, all this electronic bullshit is clearly meant to be a fog to blurr out the things in my life that i dont like all that much. it’s working for the most part, but you can still see through the fog sometimes.
Our standard mulligans trip was not a part of this weekend. Chuchla was in bangkok (chi-town), and i guess vanlandw wasnt feeling up to par. So, in the absence of mulligans i apparently went to the celebration on the grand. Fireworks were pretty cool… but dont go there in hopes of good music or people who arent annoying. The atmosphere resembled something between mtv and the mall when abercrombie is having a sale.
Anyways…. It was a pretty good time. The remainder of my weekend resulted in sleep, cracker barrel, buying equilibrium (buy it), watching equilibrium, poker, swimming, china buffet, and some football.
Enough about the weekend, what the hell is going on?
I guess I’m not really sure, but I kinda like it.
I do have thoughts of reserve or haste, but I am pulled beyond that. Whatever will happen will happen and Im going to let it.
In the words of Cleric John Preston: Not without incident
ive had somewhat of a lack of sleep over the past couple days, so this rant here may be a bit odd or difficult to follow. That said, here we go.
Shit…i forgot totally about the comedian at kirkhof. sorry.
Well, I honestly cant even really think of anything to write about. I think its kinda like if you get bad service at a restaurant, then your probably prone to go complain to the manager. If you get good service, you dont go tell the manager how good it was, you just eat and leave. See, things are good right now, so I sort of feel at a loss of what to ‘blog’.
Since Im an appreciative guy, I’d like to tell the manager thanks…. but who the fuck is the manager?
Well, its friday…. that means i just got back from mulligans. and im drunk. Anyway, I wanted to comment about multiple people telling me how depressing my blog is. (really, like 7 people have mentioned it). listen, i am not meaning to come off all depressing or what not, i just write what i feel at any given time.
For example, right now Im kind of feeling that my time alone and living by myself is somewhat of a blessing, because it gives me the time and environment for self reflection. It’s been a good time for me to do some ’soul searching’. I guess the point of this entry is as follows: my life has a single layer of complication upon a first look, but this layer of complication (in many different ways) has also provided a distinct depth and clarity to me. Repeating my once said banter, i offer the following: things may not end up the way i want, but im not even sure that i know how i want things to end up right now. It’s as simple/complicated as that.
donkey raping shit eater.8-23-03
nobody was around to go to mulligans. chuchla i can understand, but bunhuf. i am angry at the bunhuf. ah well, wes and flo’s apartment is pretty cool. i played parappa the rapper, watched terminator. and saw joe pesci say “oh brother” on a USA dub of ‘Casino’.
weekend begins. what to do? go home? hang out here? ive got it, krystal steal. w00t
maynards lyrics from stinkfist. im feelin him right now
Something kinda sad about
the way that things have come to be.
Desensitized to everything.
What became of subtlety?
How can it mean anything to me
If I really don’t feel anything at all?
I’ll keep digging till
I feel something.
I genuinely cannot believe how much of a nerd i truly am. I apparently started playing with php and mysql (thanks to chuchla for suggesting). Its actually sort of fun. It’s easy to get the hang of, and it looks like its pretty powerful.
today (sunday) was an interesting day. I helped young vanbergs move into his new apartment which is right next door to my old apartment. My father came back from england, and we all went to eat at red lobster (thanks mom and dad). After that, vanbergs, reggie, and myself went to best buy where i purchased a gameboy advance sp. its pretty cool, but was kinda expensive for 3 games. i mainly wanted it because all the games i used to play on super nintendo are ported over. i figure if i surround myself with material things then that will keep my mind off of ‘other’ stuff.
anyways, then i got back to my apartment and configured c311j’s router, and got my webserver up and running. so im now hosting my own page.
My day of birth has come and gone, leaving me 23 years of age. Although there are no longer any ‘exciting’ birthdays in my future, I was able to have a pretty good time on this one. My mother sent me balloons/flowers at work. This was a tad embarrasing, but appreciated none-the-less. After that we (brian wes russ myself) set out to go see “open range” Which apparently our special screening tickets were rejected because the theatre was already full. what dogshit that was. BW3’s was our next venture.. Actualy, Im going to stop just relaying the course of events (incase you hadnt guessed, my blog is always a first draft that i just ramble at). What im getting at is that I expected to sit home alone on my birthday with a call from my parents. In turn, it ended up that I had a good time getting out of my lame boring messy bachelor-pad-wannabe apartment.
Anyways, things have been looking up lately. My job has kinda leveled off (in regards to my stress level), and there are a few things on the horizon that keep me in suspense. Although some of these things may or may not turn out how I want them, it’s definitely giving my life some much needed depth. I’ve been living a flat and somewhat hollow existence for awhile now, and I’ve been perfeclty content with that. I have lived my life for the little things like counter strike, beer, and sadly enough this “blog”. I think that I’m maturing quickly, because I’m realizing the things that I want/need in life. Although for the time being I’m a bit too lazy to pursue them. Maybe I’ll stick to the little things for a little while longer and enjoy them while I can.
Tomorrow is yet again friday, mulligans: please save me.
“Life sucks, get a fucking helmet” – Dennis Leary
Just a quickie here. My birthday happens in 9 days apparently. I shall be 23 years old. What do i want for my birthday? How about a little bit of an optimistic perspective. You see, I think it’s all in how you look at it. I have been looking at all the ‘bad’ parts about my life in its current state. But what about the pros? I make good money, I have great friends, I have a great family who does anything and everything they can to help me with my life. I have to tell you…. I feel like a whiney bitch after thinking about things a little more. So what if my job isnt great? So what if i work an extra hour a day? It is still just a job and a means for me to put a roof over my materielistic head.
point is… look on the bright side vanberge.
Video Card fun.7-31-03
If anybody knows me they also know that my computer is a bigger part of my life than sleeping or food. well, tonight it began randomly locking up and apparently my video card is now making a high pitch electrical hissing sound every 5 seconds or so. cant wait till that burns out. 9800 pro, here i come.
on a different note, i had received some ‘feedback’ from a goer-to of my site stating that it was rather depressing. i apologize for this if it truly comes off that way. however, know that it is not meant to be ‘depressing’; it is meant to be honest. to be honest, some days i feel a bit down, yes. i wouldn’t call it depressed, because these are temporary valleys of emotion for me. these low valleys do fall between higher peaks of happiness, so i’m definitely not depressed. i just have never been exposed to these low spots. and since i live all by myself, i dont really have an outlet for them (which ive come to realize i do need). in a way, i think its good because i now can appreciate the things in life that i once so obliviously took for complete granted. in the meantime, ill keep documenting the things i loathe on this web site.
thanx for the feedback tho,
So, Chuckles and I were sitting around last night…. and briefly discussed how there should be more to life than what our current situations bring to the table. I thought more on this subject later that evening after reading harry potter 5. and seriously, at the moment, my life has no real point or direction except to earn money. what does money get me? nothing really of any meaning. its bullshit… i go to work, work is boring so at various times through out the day i think to myself ‘man, i wanna leave’. then it actually comes time for me to leave, so i drive to my apartment. when i walk in the door i am instantly bored and have nothing of meaning to do. play video games? na…. go run or something active? na….
in the end i resort to chatting on line and computer games mostly. what a strong and meaningful existence. cap this off with some television and reading of childrens books and you have one fulfilling-as-all-hell personal life. i’d always heard the saying “life’s a bitch and then you die”. i guess theres some truth to it.
What can be said about mulligans pub. my friends/ex-coworkers/ex-roomies partook in our standard friday mulligans trip, with standard $5 pitchers of luke warm barley goodness. this weekly excursion is my modern messiah. follow this wonderful bar experience up with a yester dog venture and its damn near heaven. anyways, i feel a bit intoxicated at the moment.
i believe im going to set up my own web server here shortly and run it off c311j’s router (hope thats okay comcast). what this means is that i will be pursuing a domain name for this less than extravogant web venture. if anybody is reading this (even people i know) please send me ‘feedback’ from the main page and throw me an idea at a domain name. i dont want a vanberge site (i.e. – no www.vanberge.org, .tv, .biz, .net, .uk) but im not really the most creative crayon in the box. so i leave it open to suggestion.
somebody help ;-(
well…… im really pissed off right now (seems to be a trend). i fucking spent 3 hours of this bullshit night trying to do a php ‘feedback’ form for this site. im the kind of guy that if i start something, i have to get it finished/working. for some reason this shitty script of php will not ‘feedback’ like it is supposed to, peice of dogshit. who in the hell can do web dev for a living.
anyway, its friday tomorrow so thats a plus. i hope things never change.
NIX EVERYTHING YOU JUST READ. I GOT IT WORKING. I WAS MISSING A SEMI COLON. SEND ME SOME FEED BACK!!!
for today i would like to give my opinion on the best 5 movie scenes of all time. this is just off the top of my head so i reserve the right to change the list with future posts. so, without further delay…..
5. The Incredible Hulk – the credits. i havent even seen this movie, but i do know for sure that the credits rolling means that it ended. and that is fantastic.4. Equilibrium – the whole end. this movie came out of nowhere, but christian bale beats all sorts of ass and single handedly de-throwns the government of their society. (it’s set in the future) guns, swords, cool fight scenes. one of the best overall movies you never heard of… except from reggie
3. The Matrix – Lobby scene. is there really any more to be said for this one
2. The Boondock Saints – The courtroom scene. i know most of you won’t have seen this movie probably, but this scene gives me goose bumps for real it would take to much writing for me to explain what happens, just watch it.
1. Heat – Bank Robbery/Ensuing gun battle. Best scene ever. Deniro is cool (and has a colt), pacino tries to run, and pure warfare takes place in city streets. The sound and overall feel of this scene is enough to make me shit myself.
oh yeah i updated the page. colors and some links. woot
did some random updates to this page today, ooooh! anyway, i was thinking today about the ‘real world’ and how its not really what i expected it to be. “why was your dumb ass thinking this?” you ask: because i had a few minutes down time at work today i guess. i just started thinking about how last year at this time there was a large part of me that couldn’t wait to graduate college and move on into the real world. what i wouldn’t give to have that year back. see, in college you have a goal. you’re typically going to classes and working towards a degree, ‘aspiring’ if you will. once you have that, you get a job, but then what? really, the only thing is to get promoted or make more money? (neither of which are in all reality THAT important) i’ve got to believe there is something more than this.
to boot, jobs suck ass. even though i have a job in a field that i am interested in, work is still work. your occupation is an unwanted but necessary filter between actual things that add something to your life. it seems to me that happiness in life comes from looking forward to and embracing specific moments. in college, these types of moments were a bit more frequent… something was always on the horizon to look forward to. the real world seems to have given me quite the rude awakening. not only am i forced to be at least somewhat responsible, but i feel that i now don’t have alot to look forward to. mainly what keeps me sane is the premise of the weekend providing me with and all to short break. ok im starting to write far too much and its making me angry so im stopping. to sum it up, happiness is looking forward to things. i guess there is just not as much to look forward to for me anymore. not that i’m completely unhappy or anything, i mean… i do have a job and i do have friends. overall i am happy, the real world just didn’t meet my expectations.
i kinda feel like doogie howser with his damned computer diary shitter. why did he have his dad buy him a computer? he’s only a doctor. guess he couldn’t afford living at home with mom and dad (also a doctor) and swing the commodore terminal too. =/
i have apparently constructed a blog. i have heard of these before, but had never thought about doing one of my own until recently inspired by my friends and fellow cosmonauts/aquanauts. opening entry is short cus its fucking late and i want to read harry potter. no, i will not be using capital letters in this ‘blog’. ANYWAY, for all 11 people that will ever read this, i plan on taking it fairly seriously. im going to write what i feel. at the moment i feel tired, gg.